day 4, crossing.

146 days from now I will finally be crossing off a goal from the list of things I have always wanted to do  – graduate from college.

Granted it’s almost 20 years from the time I was “supposed” to do it but isn’t the point of life to do things your own way?  It wasn’t a choice to take “this long” to get it done, but on some level, I know I appreciate it even more than I would have in 1998.

Originally I had no plans to attend the ceremony because I don’t feel a personal connection to school.  I transferred in such a large amount of credits from my previous attempts at finishing a degree that I didn’t need to attend a lot of classes in person.  Most of my credits have been completed online with the exception of four classes (two of which start in three weeks).

However, my husband, who has known me for almost 16 years and has seen the ups and downs of me trying to finish this degree, objected to me not attending the ceremony.  He emphasized letting myself have that moment and sharing it not only with our kids but my parents, especially my mom who has helped me so much along the way.

That husband – he’s absolutely right – I may not have school friends per se to enjoy all the in school celebrations that go on but I have my small tribe that has supported me and helped me while I made the sacrifices needed to finish school as an adult with two kids and a job. I want my parents to be proud of me for finishing this and I’d like to inspire my son, who one day will realize just how much I was juggling as he was growing up.  I want both him and my daughter to know they can conquer their goals – with a plan and the right support system in place.

During the first time around, I was just piecing things together and trying to check off a list of things needed to get that degree because I was living on a timeline of other people’s expectations.  I wasn’t able to enjoy the experience back then for many reasons nor did I have a vision of life after this goal.  I wasn’t organized nor prepared enough to be on my own which lead to my first college experience being what it was. The goal was just graduate from college to start real life – except I learned as time goes on real life does happen and it comes at you real fast.  This mindset was exactly why I crashed so hard after I needed to leave school before finishing my degree.

This time around, my school experience has been different –  I see my growth as a student when I connect things on a higher level within my academic field and I appreciate every good grade as an affirmation that I was more prepared to tackle school after having real life experiences. I even have a goal of attending graduate school starting next spring.

Now to just wait 146 days to enjoy that moment of walking across the stage when my name is called.

(Today’s daily writing prompt: crossing)

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