day 3, gone.

Won’t do no good
To hold no seance
What’s gone is gone and
You can’t bring it back around
Won’t do no good
To hold no searchlight
You can’t illuminate
What time has anchored down

-Fiona Apple, Carrion

Is there a difference between something being lost and something being gone?

On some level, being lost implies that whatever is missing could simply be misplaced and there is a possibility that it could be found again.  Being gone has a feeling of permanence to it.

I am sitting here thinking of the things that are lost that I will never get back because there is no way to find it again.  My box of journals, love letters and college photo albums will forever be lost.  Somewhere out there mementos of my younger days are just junk in someone else’s space (but most likely its in a landfill).

But what’s something that really gone that I miss?

A friendship of almost 20 years which finished fading away after I accepted that the other party was just not into being my friend anymore. I stopped being the only one calling or texting and acknowledging special occasions like birthdays and holidays.  It’s still a process to accept it being over because we had so many fun and special memories together.  But when I look back, I know I was the last one holding on from a sentimental place. I eventually backed off thinking that in this day and age of instant communication, a person who does not spend less than 60 seconds to acknowledge me, does not want me in their space for whatever reason.

For a long time I wondered if it was something about me – was I not being enough of the type of friend this person needed? Did she simply outgrow me and didn’t know how to say it without it coming across callous?  Did she even care enough to have any of these questions? Maybe my name flashing the phone was just one step above a telemarketer calling…  who knows, maybe it’s not that deep to her but  I won’t ever know.

At this place in time, it simply doesn’t matter anymore because I have accepted that this former friend now falls simply into the ghosts of my past and she is gone.

(Today’s daily writing prompt: gone)

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